Insecurity

Picture was from here

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else highlight reel." -Steve Furtick

The fridge was opened wide in front of me offering me a myriad of snacks to consume. I hesitated, debating on which one I should choose. No, I'm not talking about which food I should pick, but I'm talking about the feelings of being so bloated and dying to gain another kilo. In my own imagination, people were whispering to one another talking about how thin my legs are, how small I am compared to the other girls my age. "Is she anorexic? or maybe her parents don't feed her the right amount of food? Don't you think that you need to go to a doctor or nutritionist?" All those questions flew by my mind, and at one point I realized that I need to stop. Stop communicating with my insecurity, stop hallucinating a ton of conversations that will contaminate my confidence. However, those bad influences inside my own head just won't stop corrupting my ability to ignore. I kept pushing myself to eat even when I didn't want to. My parents probably thought that my appetite was increasing dramatically because of puberty. In reality, I pretended, disguised, and acted everything just to look like those girls whom the society called "beautiful."

Yes, I was one of those people who care too much about the society's idea of beauty or maybe I still am. That story isn't my one and only experience with insecurity, I have hundreds of them. I'm always jealous of those girls who can walk with their heads high up, not worrying about other people's opinions, and talk with secure, slow, but sure tone. Am I ashamed of who I am? No, I'm not. Whatever obstacles I had to deal with before has made me who I am today. However, I wouldn't say that I'm fully confident with everything right now because I'm not. I have imperfections and weakness, but I know that I'm not the only one who have flaws. Concealing them won't make me better than everyone else; it will just make me look fake and insecure about myself.

Some people have it worse than what I have gone through. The point of this post is that I want YOU to know that you're not alone in this world. We ALL have those flaws we want to cover so people would think that we're "normal" and "pretty". As hard as it may sound, don't live to fulfill other people's satisfactory needs. I feel you, sometimes we just can't help but think "my life would be better if I look like her or do what she does." You've gotten it all wrong, you can't just judge a book by its cover. Everyone, I mean all of us, has insecurities and flaws that some people don't notice. Others would kill to have what you have.

Think of it this way, whatever it is that you're going through, others have it worse than you. Be grateful and proud of who you are because everyone is beautiful in their own way :) I mean it!

Have you ever felt insecure before? What's your story?

LOVE,